Forced Out Of Web Camming/Political Coercion
I am still a Sex Positive Feminist, but after six years of web camming, I was taken down, sabotaged, or hacked probably by officious Right Wing Christian idiots. I am still just guessing as to which asshole(s) forced me off cam, but I will never stop believing in what I do, and I protested every step of the way. I still stand up to moronic, ignorant political tools who are too stupid to understand what I fight for. I will never cow tow to people whose only criticisms of me are, “you are stupid, fat, and ugly.” My entire life, I have had to deal with anti-Semitism in the form of proselytizing done by people who lack a good enough education to debate with me. I have wished myself dead, a permanent resident of another country, and I hate the people who are too chicken shit to talk with me, directly. Law enforcement is probably involved in this, because they simply do not know how to tolerate anyone but Conservatives. I have been stalked, harassed, and set up. The expression, “no love” does not begin to describe the hatred that has been directed at me. I, also now know that I have never had friends. I have cut ties with everyone I went to Hollywood High with. I stay on Twitter, because I want to be heard, sometimes, but otherwise, I do not want to see anyone I have known previously. If I see someone I used to know, I will keep walking. The United States may have the wrong approach to sex work, or this could just be happening to me. It does not matter. I do not trust people, anymore. It has been suggested to me that I get a gun, but I would not want to hurt myself with it. I am, also not suicidal. I have trouble leaving the house, like I used to. I do not know if I will ever be able to work, again. I have some experience but not enough. I have a limited awareness of my shortcomings. I am not good enough to be a writer, proof reader, or anything. I am not smart enough. I, already knew that, though.
I have lived with mental illness for over 26 years, and I used web camming as a means to socialize. In Rehabilitation Counseling parlance, cam is assistive technology. That must come across as weird or dorky, and I guess I can be a bit of a freak. Truly, I have never related to beautiful, rich, normal people. I do not have anything in common with anyone. I never have. I have always been a loner. I have moved around too much to establish lasting relationships, and because I am uncomely, fat, and crazy, I have never been able to connect with anyone. I have been bullied my whole life, and I do not think it will ever stop. I have no hope, anymore that my life will have been anything but a failure. You could patronize me by saying, “at least I tried,” but so what. I have never felt accepted by any group of people. I was given up at birth by a rich, Conservative cunt whose opinion of me has never mattered and still does not. So, I am proof that no matter how hard you fight, you lose. If I could leave the U.S, it would not change. I thought if I moved to Europe it would be easier for me, there, but it would not, because I happen to be loosely connected to a woman whose only contribution to my life was birthing me. Big fucking deal. My mother, Greta is dead. Looking back, my grandma Clara is the only person who ever loved me. She might not have liked me doing sex work, though either. Such is the way of things. Someone has a fucking opinion of me, and they will abuse their power so that they, selfishly get what they want. Who cares? No one. If I said, there are people who stand up for me, it is not true. I know it.
So, I am done. I am done trying. I will do the best I can, now that I live alone to stay out of the way. What I have heard all my life is the only thing that matters is being rich, pretty, and Conservative. So be it. You are right. You won. I, and all of the ugly, fat, stupid people lose. How does it feel to have destroyed someone who had no power to begin with? I would call you a Nazi, because it is true, but you still do not care, because you have no ethical code. Whatever. I will say this, though. I know more about Human Rights and the Holocaust than any of you pretty people do. That is the truth, whether you deny it, or not. I fought and still fight the good one, while you continue to ignorantly, selfishly do meaningless bullshit that is not challenging or interesting at all. You are simple and minded. I, on the other hand represent something else. If you were bright enough, you might actually learn something from me, but you gave up. You had to have your way. You cannot accept that diversity of opinion can exist, because you have no experience living every single day as, “an other.”
If you think you have done away with me, think again. I am proud of being crazy, fat, stupid, slutty, and on the outside. You will never know what that is like. Hahahahahahahah