Adult Consensual Sex Is Never A Crime
As Americans, we rely on the media, religious institutions, family, work environments, and politicians to assist us in determining how to live, with what friends we associate, and anything and everything. We identify with certain groups to facilitate our lifestyle choices. We choose how we want to have fun, whether we marry, or where we live. Depending on the kind of information we get and from where, we may be more or less open minded, more or less religious, or more or less independent. If we are mature enough, then we know how to filter out the, “mind candy,” or the, “pap.” Tabloids used to be considered the primary source of sound bite, knee jerk, gossipy nonsense, but the Internet has become a source of useless information, as well. The local news is similar in that way, too. More critical people know to question the things they hear or read about, and this is considered better or healthier. The problem with relying exclusively (and a lot of us do not) on bad information, is that those papers or Internet sites will never encourage anyone to be discerning, and we value the truth. Facts about someone famous or someone who has committed a crime, while not crucial to our daily existences still matter. Believe it or not, there are many people who only listen to one side of a story. The reason I reference from what source we get our news, is because I suspect there is a connection to this and whether we can be enlightened in deciding with whom we have sex and if we want to have affairs or choose to watch pornography or even go to a swinger’s club, and more so whether we tolerate diversity of choice. I would not assume, though, that only well-educated or bright people are capable of sustaining relationships that fall outside the boundaries of what a lot of Americans consider to be, “normal” relationships (i.e. being married to one person for a long period of time.) Many people have done this, and they run the gamut with regard to socioeconomic status and education level. All of this fascinates me, because as someone who champions the rights of sex workers and others, I rely on facts, my college education, and good quality news sources on which to base my opinions. It is the fault of the media but also the responsibility of those who indulge themselves in such shadenfreude, fear mongering, and tasteless mis or dis-information that enables a reactionary public. Myths are spread about sex work, pornography, and even the truth about illegal substances. I will not talk a lot about the latter, though, in this post. I will try to keep a focus on sex work and affairs, instead.
The facts are plain. Extra-marital affairs and soliciting sex workers or even watching pornography do not amount to crimes, and the reason is that, these are non-violent, consensual things. I concern myself with this, because I have had affairs, I am a sex worker, and I do not see them as myopically as some may. As an activist, I worry that we may and have already developed a society that criminalizes fun. We have become anti-intellectual all while ignoring Human Rights. The problem with that is when we disregard the rights of men, women, and even young people, all in the name of attempting to control the behavior of adults, it is a waste of public funds, the Justice system becomes bloated, and we create an underclass of ex-cons whose crimes are not real. What is worse, though, is we teach everyone, and especially developing minds that they should have an irrational fear of nudity, sex, and enjoying themselves. We teach people to be suspect of others’ behavior, when it is none of our business. It is not that it is unacceptable to talk about each other, but what is wrong is when that gossip turns into fights among and between otherwise reasonable people, when the original act or acts were truly nothing so bad. Films have been made about affairs that have received high accolades, but if we look more closely at them, they offer warnings and not some carefully laid out plan of action. I, once saw, Francois Truffaut’s, “The Soft Skin,” and in the film, the wife of a philandering husband guns him down after finding out that he has had an affair with another woman. Depending upon which proverbial lens you watch the film through, though, you might find that his message is that the wife’s reaction was insane, but of course most of us would never dream of doing such a thing. My point is just that, though, when I say that using rationality to deal with affairs and sex work is better, therefore.
It is not that emotions do not run high when affairs are uncovered or people use sex workers. I acknowledge that people can get hurt, but I, also recognize that love forms when and with whom it does, that a quest for perfection is impossible, and that our true human natures are wild in that, our brains are inclined toward polyamory and not monogamy. This is the norm, not the opposite. Monogamy and fidelity are not human tendencies. They are based in formal political and religious constraints, and social mores, which means, these are artificial boundaries placed upon society, and they go against our basic inclinations. Read any piece of literature, and you find that life is a mess. So, what would we do without “Romeo and Juliet?” How would we know about unrequited love without “Jane Eyre?” Never mind “Tristan and Isolde,” “Anna Karenina,” and “Madame Bovary,” all of which are regarded as brilliant works. Who does not worship Marilyn Monroe? I like to call it, “Living Literature” when I recount the affairs I have had. Every time I model online, I am aware of my connection not only to the books I have read and the films I have seen, but to my strong belief in creative expression no matter where it happens. Honoring the rights of sex workers, though, these days is imbued with a different focus. Since we are considered to be an advanced society, and also within the context of WWII’s Holocaust, in which whores were burned alive, although the status of sluts necessarily implies an, “other” position, it is high time we changed things, not only in the name of non-violence but in the name of Women’s Rights, Human Rights, and reason.
A final note:
There are women living in the Middle East who have been stoned to death for committing adultery. Some of them may not even have been guilty. I think of any woman who has ever been oppressed or abused when I write these words.