I Have No Business Doing Sex Work
I am overweight, plain faced, and cut my hair very short. It is a foolish pursuit for someone so average looking. One night, I told a client when he asked if this was the only job I had, and I responded, “yes,” I then said, “I am placing my money on becoming a porn star.” Lol. Why on Earth would I do it? Slutivism, simply. Sex work is physical, I endure hours of chatting with people who then tip me a small amount of money, and despite the fact that I am called beautiful, sexy, and funny, I am not successful from the perspective of an educated woman, any day laborer, or someone doing traditional social work. I could work in a place that would net me more income, but I keep doing this, instead. Why? Even I chastise myself for choosing to make such low pay. Sex Work is healthy, it inspires my creative process, and the socializing I do is good for me. I, also do it, because I know that the fear mongering directed at me, while tough to take lets me know that I am standing up to the people I hate. Yes, even people who hate Sex Work unload on me. I hate Right Wing crazies who think that war is tolerable and sex is not. That comparison is laughable. I hate religious people who believe in marriage, chastity, abstinence, and intolerance. What I do not hate, though, is either ignoring those people or feeling so hurt that I cower away in fear. I know what they think of me, and I want them to tell me. I hate the criminalization of people who do in person Sex Work and the persistent attacks on people who decide that they enjoy all the great things about sex. I find the fear mongering directed at online sex and nudity paranoid and outdated. I am intolerant of those who do not educate themselves about healthy sex. They are lazy and just plain stupid. When they come on, though and tell me these things, they expect me to be so intimidated that I back down. I have faced these people all my life, but what I used to do is fear them. I, now face them, almost every day. Our public education system is languishing, so I am obligated to use the Internet to teach. This is the moment when defending freedom is paramount. Now is the time to indulge ourselves in speaking up, using our voices, our bodies, and our minds to challenge the status quo. This is the time to enjoy the absence of boundaries. We need to delight in them, instead. The ease with which people can hear me – someone who used to isolate, hide away from society, and cry over my fucked up life makes me excited. I reach people all over the world and talk with them about what it is like in their spaces. I make friends, tell jokes, and share life lessons. In the two years I have worked as a cam model, I have taken verbal attacks and learned to face them with grace. It is not just about sex. It is also healthy to learn to face others’ opinions and not give up. I have not always been good at that. I, often attack back, too, but because there is only a small amount of censorship and some rules that I follow, I am free to be outspoken, bold, and brazen. I have not since, now been able to turn my outrageous personality into something real. My pent up frustration over everything I think used to keep me from doing much of anything. I, actually make jokes about my looks, my sanity, and my snobbery. I have never done that before in my whole life, because I was terrified of it. I was so ashamed of myself for backing away from everything and everyone. When I bullshit with men, especially, it feels as if I level the playing field. If I fuck myself in front of 300 men a night, make them cum, laugh, and even verbally attack me, it is a lot better than sitting in front of some stupid desk counting money and listening to the gossip in the workplace that usually amounts to zip. Those who go after the porn industry are just jealous of our exciting lives. I could have joined the military and indulged in the adrenaline rush of killing people, but Cam offers an ethical alternative. Slutivism is even more thrilling, because I also push people in positions of power to support Human Rights vis a vis blogging and social networking. A common assumption made about whores is that we do not ally ourselves with any one political ideology. I do not always take sides, but I educate myself through conversations with clients about things they think. Those conversations help me understand philosophies, in general. I support Human Rights, though, broadly. I, also respect choice. I try to be tolerant of all ideas, and so if I cannot join your political party, I respect our right to disagree. I am no reactionary, though. True enlightenment is accepting of diverse perspectives, and this big white, plain faced, silly, weird slutty activist has, finally blossomed.