Hating Sex Workers

When some men come into my Cam room and try to bait me, so I will get kicked off the site by asking me to do escort, asking to do incest fantasy, and other things we do not allow on the site, the message you are sending me is that you cannot tolerate that I perform legal sex work. I suspect this is because your church, religious, or political group sent you the message that you should not support sex work of any kind. What you are saying to me, though, is that you cannot tolerate that I support a healthy sex life, masturbation, anal sex, Queer rights, Feminist Porn, making money for doing legal sex work, or that we disagree philosophically and in our approach to life and sex, in general. It reminds me of the Holocaust. During the Holocaust, censorship was the rule. Intolerance was practiced legally, and Jews were told that they were not allowed to be themselves, either. Maybe you think that your intolerance is harmless and you can justify your hate by suggesting to me that your way is better, but you remind me of Nazis and what it must have been like for the Jews during the Holocaust. I am also from a Jewish family and have faced similar hatred before. I have been told over and over again that if I do not accept Jesus Christ as my savior, I will face this same kind of hate. I attended Museums of Tolerance more than once and was taught that intolerance, in any form is plainly, hate. Intolerance was disgusting during the Holocaust and should not be practiced anywhere or at any time.

I would like those of you who have indulged in calling someone a, “slut,” “whore,” “cunt,” “bitch,” or any other derogatory term to ask yourself if instead you should realize that she is a real person first. My name is not, “whore.” My name is Stephanie. I have 2 degrees. I had a mother, who is now gone. I have a family. I have a roommate, a job, a perspective, a home, a personality, and a history. I am a human being, and although, I, too have not always been tolerant, a proper response to anyone is to respect them and their individuality. If we do not share the same beliefs about sex or life or anything, really, try to acknowledge that no one thinks the same things about anything. That is human. That is tolerance. We need to learn to co-exist, not to tear each other down with diatribes and disgusting behavior that only serves to perpetuate a culture of hatred and fear.

I try to approach the work I do with intelligence, light-heartedness, and fearlessness. Even though I may not do something that is traditional, try to understand that it is something I choose to do, not because I was forced into it. I love what I do. I love sex, life, and teaching people how to respect each other. I love supporting Queer Rights, The Sex Positive Movement, and Feminist Porn. If you do not see things the way I do, I can accept that, but I cannot accept that you need to use coercion and hateful words to try to force me to see things your way and eventually become just like you. I hope that I am teaching you but am not saying, “you must see things my way, or else,” but I recognize hate when I hear it, see it, and face it. I may not be coming to your church, but you need to understand that I also will not try to make your church go away, because I do not like it.

Thank you,

Stephanie J. Golden, B.S.W., M.S.R.C.