The Whore Addict

Calling me a whore is one thing, but calling me a whore when what you are actually trying to do is manipulate me by provoking me into anger so that I will get so sick of being called one that I will have to convert to your belief that all pornography is wrong is not only offensive but coercive. You are not doing it, because you truly believe that sex is wrong, are you? Your motives are different, are they not? Your intent is not to point out to me, ad nauseum who I am, is it? What you are doing is far worse. You are trying to back me into a corner and make me hate what I do. Well, you just called me a whore, so my gloves came off, too. What is wrong is forcing me to do something I do not want. I do not want to be a Christian, not that there are not plenty of porn stars who wear crosses, but I am not one, myself. I do not want to be religious. I know how to think for myself. I am an adult, and even though I have a mental illness, I am not crazy or psychotic or so out of my mind that I must not know what I am doing. When someone tries to provoke me into anger so that I lose control and thus, say get arrested or become forced into you controlling me that is not just manipulative, that is entrapment.

Not everything in life needs to be fixed. Not all vices are fundamentally wrong. For example, not every person who drinks is an alcoholic. Not every porn star is damaged and being, “made” to do what they do. Not every man is an asshole or a rapist or a jerk. Not all rough sex is bad. Not all people (me, included) who have disabilities are sick all the time, and there are many of us who are extremely bright, have gone to college, and understand the issues. I gave what I do considerable thought before I chose of my own free will to do it. That your religion or political beliefs have determined that you must save every soul, cure every ill, and make everyone conform to your way of thinking does not mean I agree with you. I may agree with some of the things you say, but that does not mean, I will join your church, tow your political line, or attend your 12 Step meeting, and if you use some kind of nonsense, like, you will never have friends this way, well, that is just mean and, frankly, immature.

It is not that you do not have a right to your opinions, but I have a right to mine, too, and whether you like it or not, what I do is empowering to me. It is legal, healthy, and safe. The oppression I seem to be suffering from comes not from the source you suggest. It is coming from you. The men I make cum on Cam do not try to manipulate me into changing. They want me to make them cum. They ask me before I do something whether I want to or not, and I know very well that I can say no, too. That is not what you did. You want me to convert to your way of thinking when I have repeatedly told you I do not want to. The definition of rape includes that rape is not about sex. Rape is also about power. If you abuse your power by trying to force me to think the way you do and live the way you do, well, you can see where I am going with this, can’t you? Do you actually mean to treat me badly so that you can prove your point? What about human rights? A better approach to trying to convince me to see things your way would be to have a direct, honest, mature conversation with me about what I do, and if you still want to believe in what you do, then fine. Why is it acceptable, though for you to believe in what you do but not me? Where is it written that I have to think the way you do, eat the same things you do, exercise the way you do, or go to the same church you do? The truth is that it is not written anywhere, is it? Nope.

I say all these things with another understanding, though. My mother used to say to me, “follow the money.” So, here I go again with my gloves off. Why would you waste so much time calling me names and acting like a fool? There is money in it for you, I bet. Does that not make you whores for your pimp? Is your pimp your boss or religious leader or guru? Is your pimp your gang leader? Is your pimp your 12 Step sponsor? Why don’t you face who you are and admit that you are acting like a whore, too. I am simply being more honest about who I am. True? Does it bother you, now that I am calling you one? Why? You keep calling me a whore.

What I think is that you, once again have motives that are less than pure, right? I mean, if you conform to what your church says or your group of Conservatives say, does that not get you more friends? Do you not get rewarded for that? Is it not also true that if you stick with a more successful party by embracing their political line (whether you truly believe in what they do or not) that you will be more successful?

America is a place to celebrate difference not to stifle it. The letter and spirit of our highly valued Constitution states that we have the rights to freely express ourselves as well as speak our minds. These strongly held values are what draw people from all over the world to our country. Before you decide that it is all right to trivialize these things in the name of your beliefs, consider my rights, not just your beliefs. If this were a street fight, I would win. If this were a court battle, I would still win. For a long time, I took my rights for granted, and I will not stand idly by and ever allow myself to do that, again.

Stephanie J. Golden, B.S.W., M.S.R.C.