Why Are Men And Women So Different?

In all of my 43 years on this planet, no other subject has fascinated me more than why men and women are different. From why men leave the toilet seat up to why men cheat on their wives or why women cheat on their husbands, people want to know what makes each of the human species tick. I have posted many things on this site, most of which have probably seemed to some to be more male positive than sex positive, although that is probably due to my new found (yes, it’s true) delight in pornography, which truly is less of a delight than a fear conquering, assertiveness challenging, life changing, liberating, eye opening experience. So, here goes. This is my take on why men and women are so different. One would assume, I should begin from the female perspective, as this is how I identify myself. I am a woman, not a man, but I want to start with my take on men, first, because they have intrigued me throughout my life.

Men and women are socialized differently, first of all, but it doesn’t stop there, and it doesn’t, necessarily begin there. Men’s brains function in a similar way to women’s, but they tend to be more compartmentalized. They tend to be experts in one particular subject, while women tend to be all around better students, if we are talking about what we do with our respective educational experiences. Men tend, for example to try to forge new paths, which also happens to be why they do not like to ask for directions when travelling. It is not to piss the passenger (who may be a woman) off. They like to explore. They like to venture forward, not knowing where it will lead them, but it is an adventure. Women (and of course, this is not universally true, but generally) tend to plan the trip, take the map, and be as prepared as possible for what may lie ahead, so that if something out of the ordinary happens, they will at least be comfortable in knowing they tried to stay on the plotted course.

Ok. That really isn’t saying much about why men and women either cum differently or kiss differently, cry differently, or make love differently. It certainly, also doesn’t explain why say more men are likely to solicit Prostitutes. So, here I go. At some point, men’s socialization has taught them, in addition to their very efficient means of having an orgasm that it is perfectly acceptable to have sex whenever they feel the need or desire. Dull stuff, ay? Well, you also have to consider that women, primarily, are responsible for carrying their young and then protecting their young from harm. But wait. Aren’t men supposed to protect their young, as well? Yes, but their primary duties, have traditionally been to provide the means for building the home in which the family will live, and they have (again, traditionally) been responsible for working to provide the money that allows the family to live in the house in which said family resides.

What has happened to this happy couple and their 2.3 kids? Well, a lot has happened. Progress, for one. More people are choosing to live independent of these rigid stereotypes. More people work hours that often go beyond traditional 9 to 5 limits. Some vocations take people to places they otherwise never would have ventured, and people find themselves isolated from that typical home in which they would go to after said 9 to 5.

This means, for example, in the case of the Secret Service Agents, that they may have been overworked (a likely scenario) and ready to go (wink wink.) These men commanded an unusual amount of power, not typical of any average person, and when they needed or wanted sex, their bodies just could not wait. What is wrong with me, though, that I would defend such philandering or pandering or whatever pejorative term you want to associate with what I am saying, because am I not a woman? Should I not be defending mothers and innocent children and so forth? Well, not only has progress not proven that a man must take a particular political bent, but, alas, as a woman, neither should I, and even if that sounds strange to some women, well, I was raised by a single parent mother who simply did not teach me to hate either my father or men, in general. She taught me to think independently, and so I learned that in order to be a strong woman, I may not agree with one side or another. There you go.

Come on, guys. Can’t we all get along? I mean, I would like it if we learned to tolerate one another’s humanity, instead of indulging ourselves in anger and misunderstanding in order to simply tow some religious viewpoint’s line or some extreme belief simply because we were taught to, “do the right thing.” By today’s standards, “doing the right thing” involves being more creative and thinking outside the box (no pun intended.) Enlightenment means that we need to do better in our thinking. It means that, as uncomfortable as something makes us feel, maybe we should try to see another’s point of view. We are humans first, last, and always. We are not divided. We are not only men versus women.

Thank you,

Stephanie J. Golden, B.S.W., M.S.R.C.